Mark Styles wrote in message <firstname.lastname@example.org>...
>I've been hanging around here for months now, and I'm confused about
>Bob Minton. I expect newbie types are even more confused.
>Is he a good guy who makes mistakes? Is he a bad guy who sometimes
>does the right thing? Does he have a Scientology history? How did he
>get into such a high profile position?
>Obviously this newsgroup is very divided when it comes to Bob, but
>there must be some facts about him that can't be slanted by opinion.
>Are there factual biographies around which shed some light on this
Bob was born on the distant planet Remulak to a loving family of Psychs. His mother, Princess Pattooto and his father Vice Chancellor Grelber of the Magogo watched with concern as a tubby, lunatic, charlatan named Hubbard traveled from planet to planet throughout the Federation peddling his snake oil religion.
Seeing that the folks on Venus were on to Hubbard (they even tried to run him over with a locomotive), that the eskimo natives of Jupiter were insulted when Hubbard refused to kiss their women, and finding the Van Allen Belt just too damned cold for comfort, Hubbard settled on Teegeeack to charm the natives.
Princess Pattooto and Grelber of the Magogo were concerned that some of the weaker minded Teegeackians were starting to fall prey to the evil Hubbard so they made the greatest sacrifice that any Psych parents could. They bundled their beautiful child in his swaddling clothes and placing the infant in a rocket ship they launched him to his new home of Teegeeack.
During his long flight through the cosmos, the boy had only instructional holographic tapes to keep him company. It was in these recordings that he was taught the Remulak principals of International Banking that would stand him in such good stead. His only other reading material on his journey through distant space was a rather dry listing of phone numbers of grannies. These too would come in handy.
Once safely landed on Teegeack, the young child was found and adopted by Ma and Pa Minton who were in awe of "Bob's" abilities to think clearly. There were some trying times for the Minton family as they discovered that Teegeeack's yellow sun gave "Bob" the power to seriously harm schoolyard bullies with simple balsa wood. "Bob" (as he was now know to all) vowed to his adopted mother that he would never again use his balsa wood powers but those words would come back to haunt him some 40 years later.
Bob grew into a mighty being with insight far more powerful than mortal man. From his Fortress of Solitude in the New Hampshire woods, he found he could spot an OSA whore or make trespassers piss in their pants with simple pellets he called buckshot.
The Legends of Bob grew so large that they were recounted in the popular media of the time. One can watch some of these accounts at:
Not all of Teegeack has the insight to see that Bob Minton is a force of good...but then some Teegeackians actually believe we were stuffed into volcanos and blown up with hydrogen bombs far more powerful than those we have today.
In time, Bob found a rag tag team of misfits who understood the damage done by the evil Hubbard's scam and banded together with Bob to stand up to the nasty group of Scientology leaders and demand justice be done. These are the Mighty Mintonistas. And I am proud to be among their number!
All Hail Bob!